again and again and again

It’s my birth day today. The real one. The You and me and seed of faith one.

38 years ago, you found me

and surrounded by Light, circled in love, I wept

not knowing what exactly I needed

not knowing how to even pray

not knowing that my whole Life was a crescendo leading to this point

“What do you want help for, Sweetheart?”

… “I don’t even know!” is all I could think.

“EVERYTHING!” was all my heart would utter.

And then,

You did the rest.

You opened a door, I didn’t even know had been closed, or was even there.

You took my hand, my heart – my life – and you led me

through the tears, the heartaches, the confusion,

into the joys, the heart swells, the sunrises

and each day

every moment

you’ve never left my side.

 

Now thirty-eight years later, I hear the question once again:

“What is it you want, Sweetheart?”

And still my mind wrestles with the thought: “I don’t even know!”

… and still “EVERYTHING!” is all my heart knows to utter.

 

It’s been a long road, Jesus.

This year has taken me into detours of pain I never imagined were possible.

I’m tired, sad, and honestly, I’m just here treading water until I land on some solid land again

 

Yet,

the anchors remain

 

You are the way, the Truth and the Life.

You have the words of eternal life.

You are the Prince of Peace.

You will give rest. You will fight for me. You have not given  a spirit of fear, but of Power, Love and a sound mind.

You will never leave or forsake me. EVER.

You still hold me tight.

and I still hang to what I learned so long ago

that all my answers, and even all my questions are found in your outstretched hand.

Just like before.

Just like everyday.

Just like the Earth waiting for Morning’s first rays.

 

I need you, Jesus… again and again and again.

And thirty eight years later, I need you more now,

than ever before.

5 thoughts on “again and again and again

  1. So honest, so beautiful.
    May you know God very close to you throughout
    Your FMF Neighbour #33

  2. So grateful that the anchor remains. No matter the years hold….we have an anchor. And a faithful Heavenly Father….and that is a wonderful birth day gift:)

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