I haven’t written in a while… I guess because everything I see, or hear or write makes me feel more and more distant from you.
I walk into your room – and I still smell you. It is a smell I both love and hate
because I don’t want to wallow, and I won’t, but at the same time I don’t want to lose the tangible scent of you
and both desires leave me tasting the distance.
I know they say that memories are forever, that loved ones never really leave if they stay in your heart
but that’s not completely true.
You are gone.
for a year now.
The truth is though I see you everyday, in all the knickknacks you gathered, every haystack I pass, every framed photo I shoot
though I hear you each time Chris Stapleton sings his heart,
and smell you in your books and sweat and the damn blast of Fuji old spice
Though I taste the memories of your sadness and the heights of your fearlessness
and I feel you
… a distant ocean wind traveling from places unknown
the truth is each day you travel further and further away.
And though, most times I let my senses pretend you aren’t slipping away
… in reality, I know I’m just pretending
because senses fade, as they should
and memories threaten to become memorials to someone
you once were… and they shouldn’t.
I don’t want that.
…And I know you wouldn’t want that either
The reality is: I don’t know the ‘now’ of who you are
I don’t know where you are – whether on earth or sea or in heaven
I don’t know you beyond my memories
All I know is the distant wind and the undying truth
that Time has thrown my heart to the ocean wind as well
I cannot fight to hold on to what is a fading mist… But I will fight to the death to Hope
beyond my senses
beyond my memories
beyond the ache of the blood-stained tree
And having done all, I will stand
and I will believe
and I will trust in the strength of His love
that one day, on earth or in heaven
I will wrap you tight again in this heart and these arms
Linking up with Five Minute Friday