…a distant ocean wind

I haven’t written in a while… I guess because everything I see, or hear or write makes me feel more and more distant from you.

I walk into your room – and I still smell you. It is a smell I both love and hate

because I don’t want to wallow, and I won’t, but at the same time I don’t want to lose the tangible scent of you

and both desires leave me tasting the distance.

 

I know they say that memories are forever, that loved ones never really leave if they stay in your heart

 

but that’s not completely true.

You are gone.

for a year now.

 

The truth is though I see you everyday, in all the knickknacks you gathered, every haystack I pass, every framed photo I shoot

though I hear you each time Chris Stapleton sings his heart,

and smell you in your books and sweat and the damn blast of Fuji old spice

Though I taste the memories of your sadness and the heights of your fearlessness

and I feel you

… a distant ocean wind traveling from places unknown

the truth is each day you travel further and further away.

And though, most times I let my senses pretend you aren’t slipping away

… in reality, I know I’m just pretending

 

because senses fade, as they should

and memories threaten to become memorials to someone

you once were… and they shouldn’t.

I don’t want that.

…And I know you wouldn’t want that either

 

The reality is: I don’t know the ‘now’ of who you are

I don’t know where you are – whether on earth or sea or in heaven

I don’t know you beyond my memories

 

All I know is the distant wind and the undying truth

that Time has thrown my heart to the ocean wind as well

I cannot fight to hold on to what is a fading mist… But I will fight to the death to Hope

beyond my senses

beyond my memories

beyond the ache of the blood-stained tree

 

And having done all, I will stand

and I will believe

and I will trust in the strength of His love

 

that one day, on earth or in heaven

I will wrap you tight again in this heart and these arms

that wait.

Linking up with Five Minute Friday

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